Should givers gain

If you are reading this  and are an avid networker you would have across the saying  GIVERS GAIN.

For some this is a  situation where everyone wins but in my mind it also means  BE GENEROUS TO THOSE IN YOUR NETWORK, which put simply is  share what you know and have with those in your network, go out of your way to reach out to them and help wherever possible.

That all sounds OK, but there is always that question WHAT’S IN IT FOR ME?

Here is an illustration of how this might work in practice

A few days ago I had a call from a dear friend lets call her Mary. Mary has a brother let’s call him Jon. Jon is addicted to alcohol, his wife left him and the children because of this. Jon’s family stepped in and shared in the upbringing of the children. One of those children, lets call her Jen, graduated from University last year, got a  very good job and  was  married a week ago.

At the wedding, the groom’s parents thanked Jen’s mother for bringing her up single handedly without reference to Jon’s family or their role in Jen’s upbringing. You can imagine how this went down. Jen’s mother had left when she was a child at primary school and Jon’s family had stepped in to safeguard the children and here there were, at an important day in Jen’s life and the credit for all their hard work was going  to someone else. Someone that had left and played no part in her well being whatever.

To say that my friend Mary was furious is an understatement. She asked me if she was being unreasonable to expect that their role in Jen’s upbringing should have been acknowledged. Jen would not be where she is today is today, she lamented.

My first reaction was one of dismay.

I wondered why was Mary so hurt by this. She was adamant that her niece Jen was at fault and someone on her side of the family should confront Jen about this . According to her Jen had briefed her in laws out of spite because she is an ungrateful child.

All I could say was, It is one of those things Mary, as family members you had to help those children, without the expectation of a reward, because you could and  as  Christians, I would imagine that is something you do for God’s Sake.

Mary accepted this with a big BUT, someone should speak with that child, if it had not been for us…

After the call I wondered, SHOULD GIVERS GAIN?  Do you give and expect something back from the person you have given? Surely that would be conditional giving which goes against the grain of generosity when networking with others?

I also wondered whether  Jen had  in fact paid back through her achievements of education attainment, getting a good job and settling down?

One thing I know for certain is that it is best to be generous to others without the expectation of anything in return. The advantage of this is maintaining good relationships with those in your network, and if you are  not expecting anything in return you are unlikely to be disappointed if it does not materialise.

Have you got your own experience that you would like to share with me, then leave a comment